2 thoughts on “Off-Topic: A Short Story”

  1. Paragraph one, last sentence feels a bit run-on. Maybe break at either the semicolon or the final period.

    but I towed the middle line : singing Dragging the Line : I think you may mean ‘toed’ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toe_the_line

    Paragraph two seems to jump a bit – consider putting all of the French Horn stuff together. I do like the images this brings up.

    morning out on the football field for marching practice , maybe separate major points with a semi colon here, it might flow better.

    I dunno about you, but marching band here starts way before football. And you allude to it, missing those days of summer, trying to get both an eyeful and the choreography correct.

    And the parades –

    The paragraph about the start of football season – 100% . Still a bit too much in the paragraphs, but it works – moreso since that was how it was- everything was crammed together.

    The third key concept threw me for a moment – Might want to use a comparison here (the class ranking were somewhat like the sports team’s )

    Last paragraph – I think it would read better were there a space between ‘school’ and ‘years’ :p

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: